But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
