first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
