What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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