My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
