Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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