I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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