yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
