I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
