Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
