Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
