Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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