I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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