I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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