My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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