why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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