This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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