some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
