if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
