what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
