You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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