bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
