And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
