I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
