I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I need to stop coming to work sober
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
