dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
