dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
