well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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