I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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