wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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