What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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