i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
