I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
