One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
