What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
