he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
