I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
