u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
