dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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