paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
