I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
