ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
