I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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