your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my phone needs a breathalizer
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
