If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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