I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
