I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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