Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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