i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
