dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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