hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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