We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
