you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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