All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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