i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
