Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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