I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
