why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
