i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
