I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
